Archive | January, 2012

Fasting

22 Jan

If fasting is defined by consuming certain things sparingly or altogether, then shouldn’t slowing mean the exact opposite? I mean think about it: “Yea guys I’ve been slowing now for 2 weeks and accumulated a solid 30lbs of fat”.

Maybe this is more of an inference that the English language is fairly inconsistent compared to other languages. It would seem that the resultant of mass consumption would in fact be a slowing of the body, but is better defined as gluttony, gorging, indulgence etc. The thought of fasting began circulating this morning in church service when pastor spoke about our relationship with god in prayer, faith and fasting. Fasting seems to be one of these steps that is so easily forgotten, but all I could think of was how it was tied into my current lifestyle. (Leave it to an insufficient human to be thinking of themselves in church and not the bigger picture). I was adding up all of the steps I had taken to be healthier, act as a social mediator, put more trust in the lord and realize that a concern with opportunity in the present is less important then being being patient and content. All of the physical acts came to mind: Consuming little to no processed foods, withdrawing from sluggish habits (television, youtube, sleeping in late), seeking a connection in those you care about vs. ignoring this lack of vigor in ones self as a sign of too much down time. I realize that everyone has the desire at some point to award themselves with a lazy day, go off your diet day, just to be carefree. The choice to do so often breeds a perspective of loss in self control, but what is actually ensuing here?

One might consider this a fasting of the incessant. The desire to step outside of the pressures we commit to in our daily lives. If it is enough of a window of time to relieve that pressure, we may reinvent a revitalized version of our previous objective. I apply this to my relationship with the lord when the clarity to see his vision is obscure. It is not to say that we should ignore the lord, ignore our friends, ignore our families or ignore ourselves, but if we’ve invested all our efforts to be loved by them and see nothing in return, we are not to fault for waiting for that love to sprout, flourish and reappear in a miraculous way.

Moreover when ye fast, be not, as the hypocrites, of a sad countenance: for they disfigure their faces, that they may appear unto men to fast. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. But though, when though fastest, anoint thine head, and wash thy face; That thou appear not unto men to fast, but unto thy Father which is in secret: and thy Father, which seeth in secret, shall reward thee openly.

Matthew 6:16-18

 

coalescing days and unseen doors

9 Jan

I was sent an overwhelming number of signs today. Signs that pointed at evidence of the lords self embodiment and his embodiment that exists among people I know. Acquaintances, friends, family and those I admire emerged through the siting of objects in the midst of my own frustrations, confusion and self doubt. For the first time in a long time I began understanding what it felt like to offer myself up. To free fall into outstretched arms while relinquishing any personal thoughts confusion, sadness etc. There were truthfully one too many things after another that seemed coincidental, but added up to the presence of god himself.

Many people I’ve come across in life can’t be convinced of miracles unless the physical evidence is right in front of their face. The more I spend time with god the more I realize all forms of evidence exist. Evidence that often comes with time. Minutes, hours, days, years, a lifetime. You can’t lose faith or decay in a funk of self hatred. I am weak without him and in that weakness palpable failures are inevitable. Last week I lost sight of that and experienced chest pains, disorganization and lack of self productivity. At one point today I was able to remain on the outside looking in. Looking into a week filled with failures, sins and an altercation of mind and body. I made pathetic choices based on a lack of trust in god and in myself. I know this digital evidence doesn’t mend any wounds however, it establishes a day of triumph and a stepping stone to the days that follow.

Goals for the month of January exist on quite an extensive list. So many additions come from the fact that I’m dancing, stretching and training various hand-balance skills again. Establishing a diet of non processed foods as a New Years resolution also makes things quite interesting. For me this has been somewhat like quitting smoking cigarettes in that it’s hard to go cold turkey (stop eating anything processed) Not that I have ever smoked cigarettes or gone through the process of quitting.

The art making process at the moment comes in spurts. Unlike the habitual nature of dancing, eating and job searching, committing to a project seems to be based on random brain stimuli. I completed one wood-working/illustrative piece last week and botched another. I know the lord will be guiding me in the right direction.

Say goodnight and go.