coalescing days and unseen doors

9 Jan

I was sent an overwhelming number of signs today. Signs that pointed at evidence of the lords self embodiment and his embodiment that exists among people I know. Acquaintances, friends, family and those I admire emerged through the siting of objects in the midst of my own frustrations, confusion and self doubt. For the first time in a long time I began understanding what it felt like to offer myself up. To free fall into outstretched arms while relinquishing any personal thoughts confusion, sadness etc. There were truthfully one too many things after another that seemed coincidental, but added up to the presence of god himself.

Many people I’ve come across in life can’t be convinced of miracles unless the physical evidence is right in front of their face. The more I spend time with god the more I realize all forms of evidence exist. Evidence that often comes with time. Minutes, hours, days, years, a lifetime. You can’t lose faith or decay in a funk of self hatred. I am weak without him and in that weakness palpable failures are inevitable. Last week I lost sight of that and experienced chest pains, disorganization and lack of self productivity. At one point today I was able to remain on the outside looking in. Looking into a week filled with failures, sins and an altercation of mind and body. I made pathetic choices based on a lack of trust in god and in myself. I know this digital evidence doesn’t mend any wounds however, it establishes a day of triumph and a stepping stone to the days that follow.

Goals for the month of January exist on quite an extensive list. So many additions come from the fact that I’m dancing, stretching and training various hand-balance skills again. Establishing a diet of non processed foods as a New Years resolution also makes things quite interesting. For me this has been somewhat like quitting smoking cigarettes in that it’s hard to go cold turkey (stop eating anything processed) Not that I have ever smoked cigarettes or gone through the process of quitting.

The art making process at the moment comes in spurts. Unlike the habitual nature of dancing, eating and job searching, committing to a project seems to be based on random brain stimuli. I completed one wood-working/illustrative piece last week and botched another. I know the lord will be guiding me in the right direction.

Say goodnight and go.

 

 

 

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