Archive | April, 2012

Fighting What You Can’t See

12 Apr

It is not a rarity that experiencing poor circumstances leads us to believe the world is out to get us. Occurrences including, but not limited to running late, losing certain belongings, getting laid off etc. 

While I know well enough to discount the world as the cause of all my problems, this week certainly felt that way. It started Sunday with a wave of emotional turmoil brought on by what seemed at the time to be Holiday festivities and a culmination of poor decisions from the weekend. I’m 23 years old. Is it really o.k. to be waking up with a hangover on a day you planned to relish? Can I say that the sheer gratification of flying a kite in the sunlight on a hill with your girlfriend is eminently suppressed in a very austere way? So much so that your willingness to disguise that emotion falters to the point of physical collapse.

Unfortunately these events were only a precursor to the following weeks emotional funk. Last night that funk was obliterated along with the monster that cooked it up and served it to me raw. Like a festering wound my mind became entangled in its ability to generate anxiety. Truthfully, I’d never experienced depression fed by anxiety this severe.

When the storm clouds broke last night I became aware of satans jealousy. It was a constraining attack on the new formed love and alliance that existed since the beginning, but was now something concrete (after baptism April 1st). One slip up and a rush of self doubt and my greatest adversary exposes a weakness. Like salt to a wound I could feel his hands plucking at the iniquities in the back of my mind. If my brain was a ripened fruit one week previous, it now had become a decaying lump of flesh controlled by this monster. A monster that had been lurking in the shadows, waiting for a moment when I’d expose this ignorance and reliance on self. The lord gave me a hint through the message at church on Sunday that such a wave would make its impact soon.

The reason why god is perfect is so we don’t have to be. Remember that even in times of vulnerability, YOU have the power to confront satan head on. There will always be a sword and shield waiting. An arsenal so filled with the holy spirit that even the meekest can fight what was once unseen.